Mother knows best

May 12, 2008 10:15 am

— Click here to see the May 10, 2008, Neighbors section in its entirety

By Lisa Aliperti For the Times-Tribune
Local mom Kelli Moore wrote: “Someone once told me that becoming a parent is like taking your heart out and allowing it to walk around outside your body for the rest of your life. That is so true. Every joy, pain, heartbreak and victory is magnified once you have children.”
 Amid laughter and tears, four mothers from the Corbin group of Mothers of Preschoolers (M.O.P.S.) discuss raising children in today’s world. The joys, the fears and concern for their children combined with the funny, embarrassing, and stressful moments are universal to mothers everywhere. With a combined 39 years of motherhood under their belts and children ranging in age from 1 to 16, Luann Anderson, Kelli Moore, Melissa Shackleford, and Charity Watterson have real experience in child-rearing.
Raising children is not easy. How did mothers of the past keep their children safe and still remain sane with all the dangers? Indeed how did we survive the days of no car seats, no bicycle helmets, no life jackets, and no cell phones?
Though great strides have been made in the technology to keep them away from danger, children still find ways to make their parents’ hearts stop. While we now have car seats, safety belts, baby gates, outlet covers, door latches and a myriad of other devices, nothing takes the place of a mother’s attention.
“What amazes me is how fast they are,” said Luann Anderson.
She remembers when one of her kids was 18 months old. One minute he was there, and the next he was at the top of the stairs — at the bottom of the stairs was the intact baby gate. The baby had climbed on the outside of the steps. A scary moment to be sure, but the child was rescued and both parents learned to never underestimate children.
Another challenge faced by these moms is in the discipline arena. While they juggle reward and praise for good behavior with punishing bad behavior, they all agree that effective discipline cannot be universal but must be individual. Just as children differ in age and understanding, they also differ in personality and temperament. One child may respond to privileges being revoked while another may need only a time-out.
Melissa Shackleford likes to prevent bad behavior. For her, consistency is the key. Behavior expectations and rules should be the same in public and at home. When children know the rules and understand consequences, order is maintained. One of the biggest problems with maintaining consistency is grandparents. All the moms’ heads nodded when Kelli Moore said, “My kids have to go through detox when they come home from visiting the grandparents.”
Luann, Kelli, Melissa, and Charity all agree that the grandparents seem to forget the rules and indulge the grandchildren with candy, television, and later bedtimes. They also agree that the extra attention and love from the extended family is more valuable in the long run than the short-term spoiling.
As their children grow up, go out into the world, and make decisions for themselves, mothers have to know when to let them make mistakes and when a parent needs to intervene. When children forget their homework or fail to study for a test and earn a low grade, valuable lessons are learned when parents don’t rush in but instead let natural consequences do the teaching. Charity has found that an adage from her own mother works just as well with her teenage daughter. Years later, “you will get what you deserve” is still being spoken when homework or studying is neglected.
However, there are times when a child cannot resolve a problem and the parent or other adult should step in such as when a child is being bullied. Talk to your children and reassure them that it’s OK to ask for an adult’s help, and being labeled a tattletale is not the end of the world.
“Kids are confused about when it’s OK to tell someone,” said Kelli.
Then there are the moments when the children push their mothers to the limit.
Mothers everywhere recognize the limp, boneless, jelly-leg syndrome. All have heard or will hear “it’s not fair!” at some point, and public humiliation will come. Tantrums in public places, potty accidents, and inappropriate words spilling out of the mouths of babes — all will test a mother’s resolve and make them wonder if it’s all worth it.
Despite the fear, the pain and the embarrassment —and because of the joy, the laughter and the wondrous moments like no other — these mothers know it’s all worth it.
Consider the advice of Luann: “relax, keep praying, do what you know is right, and trust the Lord.”
And, all agree, just love them unconditionally.

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